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Computer "scientist"

Alex Clemmer is a computer programmer. Other programmers love Alex, excitedly describing him as "employed here" and "the boss's son".

Alex is also a Hacker School alum. Surely they do not at all regret admitting him!

How bad is the Windows command line really?

March 30, 2016

Kevin Gallo just announced Bash support on Windows.

If you have never had to interact with the Windows Batch language, this might not seem like such a big deal. Surely Batch could not be substantially worse than Bash, right?

Bash: a language that was neither designed, nor evolved. An adequate solution to a problem that has since become orders of magnitude harder. As arcane as it is useful, as dangerous as it is ubiquitous, Bash: the language that asks how much we are willing to give up for convenience’s sake?

Sure, Bash could be worse. But substantially worse? Bash had one value proposition: it was just good enough. It is difficult to imagine that it would have flourished as it has, if that had that not been true.

But the truth is what it is. Batch is substantially worse. And how much worse sort of beggars belief. Look:

And the list goes on and on.

When I was in college a few years ago, I thought that PowerShell was a fun take on what a modern shell could look like. It is not. PowerShell is the cure for polio, and Jeffrey Snover is the Jonas Salk of the Windows ecosystem.

Batch is like an alien device that has appeared on the earth, and at first you think it’s a gift, but then you realize it is a machine of destruction, here to raze your society to the ground, and the only viable solution is to find a way to rid yourself of it completely.

Like the Necronomicon or some other Satanic book, Batch does not seem so bad at first, but when the correct medium (in this case, the computer) reads the words, you find that a portal to hell has opened and suddenly the trees are coming alive and you’re being sucked into your computer screen you’re thinking about how 10 minutes ago your biggest problem was whether you were going to get to the store in time tonight to grab that macaroni you like, and now, as you are floating through the demon portal, you’re just wondering why this thing didn’t come with a warning on this side or something like that.

Bash is like the neighbor who seems nice and sweet, but maybe they don’t have a life you’d want to have personally. They have some pretty serious character flaws and obviously make mistakes, but in the end they are a nice person who tries hard to make sure the people that depend on them are doing ok.

Batch is the guy who looks like that neighbor, but then turns out to be a serial killer.

So, here we are. This is the reality of the Windows world. Yesterday, your choice was Batch or PowerShell. Today your choice is Batch, PowerShell, or Bash. (Well, it’s not really as simple as that, but you get my point.)

And as you make your choice, it’s worth visiting the graves of the fallen.

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